It’s time to get real about dating.
Getting back on the dating horse was something that I had to do after my divorce. And dating is always a hot topic no matter what age or stage you are in.
Before I go any further, let me be clear. What I am about to discuss is not about the men I have ever dated.
This is my disclaimer.
Looking back, whether I was in high school, college, or even after my divorce, people in my life always (with the best intentions most of the time) inquired about my dating life.
And nowadays I find myself inquiring about other people’s dating life as well. I ask not to be nosy, but more because I like to see people happy and in love.
I must admit I’ve learned a great deal in regard to dating do’s and don’ts.
With over half the US being single or divorced, I’d have to say there have been a lot of awkward first dates.
That first date is really an opportunity to see if you’re interested, intrigued, and like the person enough to find out more. The big questions at the end of the first date are: Did you enjoy yourself? Did you find them appealing? Did you like them enough to find out more? And if the answer is yes, then on to date #2.
In order to make things go smoothly, here is my list of do’s and don’ts to help on your date.
1. Always Speak Positively
That’s right. Talking poorly about anyone isn’t going to leave your new date with a great impression. So when the subject of your ex (whether it’s your ex-partner, ex-husband, ex-wife, ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, ex-in-laws, ex-dog, etc.) comes up, take the high road — even if your ex is a drugged-up convict on death row. Keep it short and refrain from the whole reveal until that person has earned your trust.
Hearing “War of the Roses” stories right from the beginning may seem entertaining, but it is very unnerving, and although your date may be engaged in the story’s drama for the moment, it leaves a bitter taste that no amount of water can wash away. Wait until you get to know the person better, and as time goes on, you can slowly reveal the multiple layers of your life — including that sociopathic ex.
2. Reveal Your Strengths
Yes, we all have our weaknesses, but the first couple of dates is where you want to be at your best. People want to see the good in potential partners, so make sure you do yourself justice. It’s perfectly fine to focus on your positives. You won’t be considered a narcissist if you nicely share the good things about yourself while asking about the other person too.
Revealing your weaknesses right off the bat is like reading all the side effects of a medication before you even swallow the pill. Often times making us question whether the risk outweighs the benefit.
I’m not suggesting that you try to sell yourself, but what I am saying is that it’s not a bad idea to show confidence and respect for yourself. As many men might say, “Position yourself as a first-round draft choice.”
3. Do NOT Have Sex
You read it clearly, but just to be crystal clear, I will repeat — DO NOT HAVE SEX.
Can you hear the echo? I don’t care how strong the attraction is or how much liquor has been consumed. Keep your panties on and your dignity intact. Sex on the first date is like eating the main course of a meal before you even check your coat.
When you give away your Halloween candy before the holiday has even begun — chances are he’ll be saying “trick or treat” on someone else’s porch faster than a kit kat can melt in a hot toddler’s hand.
4. Don’t Wear Anything Too Short, Too Tight, or Too Low.
A huge mistake women make is believing the more they reveal, the sexier they come off.
But if you’re solely looking for a roll in the hay, well, that’s another story.
First dates are all about first impressions. If your guy wants to see only breasts and thighs — send him off to the local butcher.
5. Be Aware of Your Alcohol Consumption.
The more we drink, the less inhibited we become and the greater the chance we have of doing or saying something stupid — and no one is interested in playing the regret game the following morning. Order a drink or glass of wine and nurse it for a while. Think marathon, not sprint.
A sloppy drunk is never attractive.
Lastly — and most importantly…
6. LET HIM CHASE YOU.
Do not pursue him, do not run after him, and after thanking him (manners are important) do not text or call him after the date. I can’t tell you how many women feel the need to take the reins into their own hands for fear the guy just won’t do it. Allow him to pursue you.
As my father always said, “If a man wants you, he will stop at nothing to get you.”
Until Next time,
Originally posted on www.therelationshiprealist.com
Karin Katz Sherman
Let me introduce myself…I’m Karin. I’m a single mother of three incredible kids, an author, writer, blogger and spiritual junkie…
It took time to really figure out what my blog would offer you and how it would be different from everything else out there.
Here it is… this blog will provide you with a daily dose of advice, inspiration, spirituality and of course beauty… along with real life thoughts throughout my zen-centric journey into self-awareness.
To learn moe about Karin, please visit therelationshiprealist.com
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