I don’t think there’s anything worse than being betrayed in ANY kind of relationship, whether it’s love, friendship, business or familial.
Like I do mean — nothing worse.
Did I mention nothing worse?
Okay. Just checking.
Betrayal is the selfish, evil enemy of loyalty. She’s the deceitful half-sister that wants to stab you with a knife in the conservatory while Mrs. Peacock watches.
The definition of betrayal—an act of deliberate disloyalty.
The key word here…deliberate.
For those who have been betrayed, you know what I’m talking about.
You know that gut-wrenching moment when you find out someone you love and care about, someone you believe in, someone you trust, does something so disloyal, so disheartening, so dishonest, that you actually feel the wind being knocked out of your lungs.
And with that next breath, the way we feel about him/her is never quite the same — ever again.
Tainted forever, like moldy cheese, only without the penicillin benefit.
It’s so sad because in that very moment of awareness —time just stops and all of a sudden we start spiraling down what I refer to as the “mental staircase of doom.”Everything goes into slow motion as we begin to race backward in our minds, trying to figure out the exact moment of when the betrayal began.
Initially, it is natural to blame ourselves for being so naive, so unaware, so trusting, so everything, and we find ourselves if only briefly, drowning in our very own victim pool.
Anyone have a life raft?
Some stay there for a while. Sadly, others never leave.
However, there are a select few out there that will make the betrayers wish they had never betrayed in the first place.
I like to call these fine folks, “The Green Berets of Betrayal” — you know, think Rambo or The Terminator, but you get the drift, right? These justice seekers use their inner strength to overcome even the grandest of deceptions and fight back with shrewd, tactile precision. They stop at absolutely nothing to defend the honor, pride and respect they feel was robbed from them by someone so dear.
Betrayal is truly the MOST selfish thing we can do to anyone. It is a self-serving character flaw that only temporarily places the betrayer into a position of power (and I do mean only temporarily) over the blindsided betrayed — similar to a boxer with a punch that knocks his opponent to the ground and thinking they have a TKO.
Imagine now the one who’s laid out flat in the ring (the betrayed) with the referee counting over his head —
1, 2, 3…
Can you see it?
And just when everyone thought he was down for the count, imagine him getting up and landing punch after punch, fighting his way to the win.
After all…it ain’t over ‘til — well, until it’s over, right?
In my own experience, those that betray are often left more damaged and unhappy in the long term than the ones that they betray. This is because they lose special relationships that they will never regain or duplicate again.
Unfortunately these days, many lack a moral compass and stop at nothing to get their wants met while turning a blind eye to the hurt and destruction caused by their dishonesty.
So why do betrayers betray, you might ask?
Selfish gain. Wanting something and not caring to whom it affects. Justifying wrong behavior because they feel entitled.
And what’s worse than betraying alone is conspiring with another.
Take it up a notch- betrayers often betray with conspirators, unifying their relationship over secrecy and lies in order to protect themselves. This “betrayal partnership” adds an exciting and sneaky element to their collusion.
Left jab, followed by a right uppercut.
Double whammy. Ouch.
They are now bonded with treasonous glue — that is, until the one person who can’t find out…Does.
We live in a world where everyone is trying to reach the top of the food chain —social status, popularity, money, credibility, power, sex, higher self-esteem — and, unfortunately, there are times when betrayal may feel like the only means by which to get there.
But the real lesson that determines true character, is when we are faced with that moment when loyalty comes to a crossroad.
And I don’t mean being just loyal to ourselves.
I mean loyalty to others. Others that we love and who love us. Others we respect and who respect us. Others we trust and who trust us.
Those that matter besides ourselves.
There is always an honest way of doing even the most uncomfortable of things. Just depends on the integrity level of the person.
In the words of my father, “Be very careful whose toes we step on today because they just may be connected to the tush we need to kiss tomorrow”.
Originally posted on www.therelationshiprealist.com
Karin Katz Sherman
Let me introduce myself…I’m Karin. I’m a single mother of three incredible kids, an author, writer, blogger and spiritual junkie…
It took time to really figure out what my blog would offer you and how it would be different from everything else out there.
Here it is… this blog will provide you with a daily dose of advice, inspiration, spirituality and of course beauty… along with real life thoughts throughout my zen-centric journey into self-awareness.
To learn moe about Karin, please visit therelationshiprealist.com